Snowed In

I'm peacefully contemplating the Hudson as I try to prepare a unit plan on Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice which I'll be teaching 12th graders next semester. While I enjoy Austen's works (Persuasion in particular is a favorite of mine) for their psychological insights and nuanced presentations of how status was lived in Regency England, I also think they're open to parody. Especially since for allies like myself, "pride" and "prejudice" can connote rather different things... making me wonder why there haven't been drag performances/adaptations of Austen's works. Many of the female characters remind me of NFL receiver-divas.

Speaking of both the NFL and bad weather, lame-duck Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell has complained about the fact that Sunday's Eagles game received a snow-inspired reschedulement for this evening. As far as I'm concerned, any extra night with football is a good thing. (Unfortunately, the NFL is generally restricted in terms of days it can broadcast as a term of the AFL-NFL merger.) While Rendell, who claims he paid people to throw snowballs at Cowboys fans during the "Bounty Bowl" Game in 1989 (which incidentally raises rather than lowers his popularity in Philly) may have credible tough guy credentials, for a politician anyway, I think his rant's a little extreme... Stay classy Philadelphia!

A Christmas Greeting From Chori

Half of the world’s news outlets had danced around the homosexual situation/question/controversy/dress/sybian/etc. shamelessly until good ol’ Adman Sepp said what he said. However people still aren’t talking about the M.O. that those who live an alternative lifestyle should lead when in Qatar for the World Cup in 2022. What to do? What to do?

I have many homosexual friends who enjoy their football and many of these friends went to the World Cup in South Africa, hence I have every reason to believe that they’ll hit the Emirates for the mishigos in 2022. As my decency prohibits me from commenting on any sexual position/proclivity/debauchery/sport/etc. I shall only offer a suggestion regarding wardrobe.

Homosexuals and other members of their traveling parties should wear Adman Sepp masks at all times. What will this accomplish say you? Absolutely nothing, other than bringing a smile to everybody’s face aside from Adman Sepp. The mere thought of witnessing hordes of men and women adorned with Adman Sepp masks fills my loins with sheer orgasmic joy. I’m sure it will have a similar effect on other World Cup attendees.

2022 seems so far away yet time flies by as people are wont to say. A couple years ago I was known as a halfway upstanding individual. Today I’ve been reduced to contributing blogposts on December 24 for swine to read.

This rant was brought to you degenerates by CHORI

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Not so much a case of seeing the violence inherent in the system, as a Republican attempt to turn a non-violent part of the system, the good old 14th Amendment to the Constitution (the one that provides for "equal protection" and "due process" and stuff like that) into a violent one that denies people equal rights...

Namely their hope is to remove the concept of automatic birthright citizenship (that everyone born in U.S. territory is automatically a citizen), a right as old as the country itself, to disenfranchise the children of immigrants (they may say only "undocumented immigrants," but given their history of voter suppression I suspect this goes beyond that.) Or, as this article puts it: "Republicans Gear Up to Challenge the Constitutionality of the Constitution." Read the article and weep. I certainly did.

The Rebirth of Nullification?

Evidently, the friendly folks who have been fighting to deprive their constituents of access to legally mandated healthcare have set their sights a bit higher... They're now working for a Constitutional amendment to allow a 2/3 majority of state legislatures to override any federal law. As such, I'd imagine it doesn't raise Constitutional questions itself (you can amend any part of the Constitution except for the provision that each state gets two Senators). It's an interesting idea, since after all Constitutional amendments themselves have to be approved by 3/4 of states, and much more benign than the original concept of nullification which more or less was the view that states could pick and choose between federal laws. However, given where the proposal is coming from, I have my doubts. Now, if it were designed to repeal No Child Left Behind...

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Mercenary Scorned

The quality of a blog, like that of party, in the end comes down to its guests. And no, I don't mean the Leonard Cohen song. So it's with pleasure that I introduce my friend CHORI, coming to us from Juarez, the most dangerous city in the world. He'll be periodically sharing his wisdom on the full gamut of topics we intend to cover here. On this occasion he'll be discussing Carlos Tevez, the man who brought a Maradona-style mullet and (briefly) third party player ownership to the Premiership. As Benicio del Toro suggested in his most underrated role in the classic "Huevos de oro": "¡Goza!

Much has been written, blogged, exaggerated and screamed about L’affaire Tevez since the pride of El Apache dropped his landmine of a transfer request on to the Gallagher brothers’ laps last week.

Some have steered this controversy towards a showdown between Tevez’s Sensei Joorabchian and Air Cook, the former Nike Jordan Brand employee who now plies his trade in the front office of Man City. Others have focused on the fact that, fed up with Tevez’s philandering, his ex up and left beautiful Manchester and took their two daughters with her back to the magical port where even investment bankers rock mullets. I choose to direct my focus towards the fact that Tevez is, and always has been, a true mercenary.

Mercenaries tend to present a challenge for their bosses in every walk of life, especially so in the beautiful game. Greylocks Mancini thought he had nipped the past and future Tevez shitfits in the proverbial bud by ceremoniously tying the skipper’s band around Carlitos’s bulging bicep. Greylocks Mancini was mistaken, he was oh so mistaken as mercenaries are never happy until they get their next big contract and that is precisely what Tevez and his Sensei Joorabchian have been angling for this whole time. Nobody can save Greylocks Mancini at this point, not Air Cook, not anybody.

One must hand it to Sensei Joorabchian as his timing is serendipitous to say the least. By doing this now, he forces Air Cook and the rest of the Man City petroemployees to react immediately, lest they derail Man City’s fine form of late. One of two things usually happen in these times: the Mercenary gets rewarded for his petulance and signs a new and improved tax-free contract or the Mercenary gets shipped to a funner, sunnier location and signs an even fatter new and improved tax-free contract. What is to happen in this case?

Some say Real Madrid, others say Tevez retires. I find this one very difficult to call. If I were a betting man, I would bet on Tevez wearing a meringue jersey as of Jan. 31. At some point Greylocks Mancini will get fed up with Tevez and ban him from Carrington. Florentino Perez and Air Cook will then have lunch at El Asador Donostiarra and hammer out a suitable accord. Tevez will then grant an exclusive interview to whichever English speaking outlet Sensei Joorabchian tells him to. Tevez will proceed to shock the world by speaking in an unmistakable Liverpool accent. To the interviewer’s question of where he acquired his unflappable Scouse tone, Tevez will reply: “I spent a lot of time in Liverpool nightclubs with Wayne Rooney and older local ladies.”

This rant was brought to you degenerates by:
CHORI

Welcome!

Don't let the micturating infant distract you; as I tell my students, start by reading from the top! That's where it says "Welcome." Or maybe I should just say "Good morning, my neighbors." After all, like Prince Akeem I'm kind of unsure of the conventions around here, and as it happens, I live in New York too. At the behest of various friends, this blog's intended to bring my thoughts on subjects dear to me (education, football, travel, writing, and what not) to a global audience. Treat them kindly, they're in a strange place... Although not as strange as the Brussels Airport where this picture was taken. Personally my favorite golden beverage to consume in Belgium is Hoegaarden, but I don't judge. After all, millions of people continue to insist on drinking Budweiser.